[Hymn #42] ~Pensieroso~ [+ Movement]

[nightcrossed]

[Private; you can hack this if you're really curious, but it's just a case of Tear logic.]

"A sanctuary for those who despaired."

While the explanation does seem plausible, I can't convince myself that this is completely the case. Everyone is capable of getting caught up in negative feelings, but looking around me, there are many people who exude confidence and hope. There's no way that every individual here has turned their backs on their own worlds and fallen victim to despair. No one that I have seen is blatantly giving up on regaining their memories. Rather, they continue to ask questions, to seek answers, and to do what they can.

There isn't much we can do, of course...
And yet, even if we can't help ourselves, I've seen people reach out to others.

So does this predicament bring out the best or the worst in people, I wonder... Does it reveal the most genuine qualities of a person's being, or are we forced to invent a visage out of who we only think we are?

I suppose it would all work in theory - a place of solace for the hopeless. If you erase someone's memories and start them out with a blank slate, they have no worries at all as long as they don't try to remember anything. How does the phrase go? "Ignorance is bliss."

But who can be satisfied with just that?

As we start to remember, we have to accept both the good and the bad, as well as many unknowns. If people concentrate on the bads and the unknowns, then it would be very easy for them to lose hope. However, I think this situation could also serve as a chance for us to reevaluate ourselves. It's not like living the past again, but rather putting together a timeline in the way one would work a puzzle, therefore events are shuffled, and the conclusions we draw from them may differ from those we drew living life in chronological order.

Of course, then I'm forced to ask myself:
What if I failed to stop Van?
Suppose I no longer have a world to go back to? or Suppose my world has changed drastically?

Either way, it doesn't matter. I'm not about to take the path of a coward. That I'll return home as soon as I can goes without saying, but if things turned out badly, what will I do then?

There are plenty of reasons why I must go back. Responsibility is the most obvious, and yet...

It may be far off, but if it's possible, I think I'd like to see more of the Outer Lands.


[Private.]

Some of the leaves are already starting to change. I suspect the weather will turn cold soon enough.

[Tear can be found on a low wall outside the Ari Apartments, a stack of books including her journal beside her. She is currently assorting marbles by color.]

Comments

[myfreebody.livejournal.com]

[Rico was going to go to bed early, but found she couldn't sleep--and so took a walk. It isn't long before she runs into the woman outside, sorting marbles. She blinks, and watches, trying to figure out what the woman is doing.]

[a-severed-fate.livejournal.com]

[Tear was mostly done by now, having sorted the marbles into separate containers - red, green, orange, yellow, blue, white. She was currently examining a marble that was larger than the rest when she noticed someone watching her. What must this girl be thinking, seeing her playing with marbles as if she were still a child? Tear doubted anyone would be able to guess what she was actually planning on using them for, but nevertheless, it created an awkward situation - at least for the melodist.

In these cases, however, it was best to act as if this behavior was completely ordinary. Thus, Tear straightened a little and resorted to using her manners.]

Good evening.

[myfreebody.livejournal.com]

[She looks from the containers to the woman who had been sorting them, and smiled with a childish sort of curiosity.]

Good evening. What are you doing?

[a-severed-fate.livejournal.com]

Actually, I'm planning to use these glass marbles as part of a training exercise. I'm dividing them by color so that they'll be easier to arrange later.

[myfreebody.livejournal.com]

Oh. [Rico wants to ask what sort of training exercise you do with marbles--and if she can do it, too. But instead she fumbles with her words and looks down, slightly away.]

I'll stop bothering you. I'm sorry for interrupting.

[a-severed-fate.livejournal.com]

No, it's fine. You're not doing any harm by talking to me.

To explain... the exercise's purpose is to see whether or not an odd-colored marble placed in the center of a tightly-packed group of like marbles can be removed without disturbing those surrounding it.

[Something like that, at least. Although it sounds less exciting when one leaves out the part about her "student" being able to erase matter.]

[myfreebody.livejournal.com]

Like a coordination test? [Curious Rico is curious, even if it doesn't sound like the most interesting exercise.]

[a-severed-fate.livejournal.com]

[Tear smiled ever so slightly.]

In a way, yes.

It should also give me an idea of what areas my student needs improvement in - then I can devise other exercises to help correct those problems. It's important for a fighter to overcome each of his or her weaknesses so that those weaknesses won't be exploited by an enemy.

[myfreebody.livejournal.com]

[Rico nods; this sort of thing makes sense, and feels comfortable to her--she's not sure why.]

You must be a good teacher.

[a-severed-fate.livejournal.com]

I can't say if I'm doing a good job or not.
I don't remember ever teaching anyone anything, although I've been told that I have given lessons in the past.

[myfreebody.livejournal.com]

Well... [She pauses, and tilts her head.] If you're taking time to do something like this, I think you must be a good teacher.

[a-severed-fate.livejournal.com]

I think you're giving me too much credit.

My reasons for teaching him aren't entirely selfless. In fact, I feel that I will probably be in need of his assistance in the future. Things have grown quite serious back home, and my student is not yet prepared to face them.

[deusexblastia.livejournal.com]

[As usual, the questions of 'how did Raven get there' and 'why is he bothering me' went hand in hand. Rather than face her, though, he was sitting on the wall, looking off into the distance.]

Aren't ya a little old ta be playin' with marbles?

[a-severed-fate.livejournal.com]

[Tear was growing somewhat used to this, and managed to suppress the sudden urge to leap off the wall and prepare herself to attack some unexpected intruder. The result was simply that Tear grew momentarily rigid, her heart stopping in her chest for a beat, and then resumed its normal course. How did he always manage to appear out of nowhere without her detecting it?

After a few moments, Tear managed a reply, turning her gaze to frown in Raven's direction.]

...

I'm not sorting them as part of a game, Raven. I intend to use them in a training exercise.

[deusexblastia.livejournal.com]

Huh. Well, it all looks the same ta me. Whatcha usin' them for?

[a-severed-fate.livejournal.com]

...!

You know I'm not immature enough to still enjoy playing with a child's toys.

They're for a training exercise... I want to see if my student can erase an odd-colored marble from within a tightly-packed group of like marbles without disturbing or doing any damage to those other marbles. It's to test his control over his own abilities.

[deusexblastia.livejournal.com]

Well, we all got our vices. Don't worry, yer secret's safe with me~

Huh. Sounds kinda complicated. Somethin' magic-related?

[a-severed-fate.livejournal.com]

[There was a slight warning in her tone as her eyes narrowed a little more.]

Raven, I just explained the situation to you. There's nothing for you to keep secret, because I have no intention of behaving in such a childish manner.

[Nevermind that she had taken part in Rika's melon-splitting and water gun battles...]

[She sighed.]

Something like that, I suppose. "Magic" isn't a term I feel comfortable using to describe my training sessions. I use fonons, not magic. My student doesn't use magic either.

[Was 'student' even the right word? Someone would probably be offended if he thought Tear was looking down on him again.]

Why do you want to know?

[deusexblastia.livejournal.com]

Relax, Tear, I'm just teasin'! Yer gonna tire yerself out bein' so serious all the time.

[Raven turned to face forward rather than leaning back and watching Tear's marbles. He stared off into the distance, not really looking at anything in particular.]

I dunno. Part of me says it shouldn't be possible. I know I wouldn't be capable of such a thing. But then I'm not exactly the magic type, or the fonon type. 'Course, I don't know what fonons really are, so that's something ta consider.

So yeah. I can't imagine how it could be done, but after a while... well, ya learn that just because ya can't imagine something, doesn't mean it's impossible.

1/2

[a-severed-fate.livejournal.com]

...?

[Was that the first time Raven had said her name without tagging "darlin'" on to the end of it? She wasn't sure, but he seemed to have become quite serious, just as he had once before. It was confusing, considering that Raven usually seemed pretty laid-back.]

I'm not going to tire myself out. I was trained to be a fighter, and therefore I will endure what I must in order to return home and complete the tasks that I took on. I can't just relax, not when I could be making myself stronger.

2/2

[a-severed-fate.livejournal.com]

[Tear's expression softened just a little, and she tilted her head to glance off in the direction that Raven was observing. There was nothing out of the ordinary that she could see.]

I think there are lots of things in life that shouldn't be possible, and yet, they still manage to happen somehow. Being here has taught me that much, although I suspect I already knew it even before my memories were taken from me.

[Tear turned her attention to the marble in her hand, letting it roll around in her palm for a moment.]

I'm a realist. I dislike the idea of sugar-coating the truth. And yet, a part of me really wants to believe that unexpected things can and do happen. Somehow... placing even the smallest hope in something unseen and miraculous makes living a little bit easier.

[She fell silent, taking a minute to pocket the larger marble.]

I could always show you.

[deusexblastia.livejournal.com]

[Hope. Now there was a word Raven didn't exactly understand. He couldn't see how people could have hope sometimes. He found himself unable to respond to what she had just said and made no effort to try. Hopes. Dreams. Desires. They always said when you get older that you gain more wisdom, knowledge, experience. He hadn't realized that he'd pay for one with the other.

He was silent for a time before he swung his legs around the wall, turning himself around to face her regimen. He was hunched over, elbows resting on his knees. Maybe for a moment, he could distract himself.]

Sure. I guess if ya don't understand something, it's best ta see it fer yerself.

[a-severed-fate.livejournal.com]

Although that still won't explain how it works. ...Right.

[Tear slid off the wall, leaving her marble army behind and wandered a short distance away. It wouldn't do if she miscalculated and ended up putting Raven to sleep, too. It was getting late, and the fireflies were becoming active. That would do.

Tear stopped, bringing up a hand to her chest and closing her eyes in concentration. Gathering fonons had become much easier, although somehow it still felt very different in Memento Eden than how she remembered the process back on Auldrant. As the fonons collected around her, occasionally appearing as slight glitters of energy, the air began to take on a faint glow and a glyph appeared beneath her.

Tear tried to use a slightly different process this time - she wasn't trying to put the insects to sleep, but rather, to stop their movements. The first hymn seemed to work either way in order to incapacitate a target.]

♪ Twei Rei Tsuae Croix Ryo Twei Tsuae ♪

[There was a glowing violet haze in the air some distance away, where a group of fireflies had been winking in and out of sight. Following it, those hovering lights paused and remained stationary.]

[deusexblastia.livejournal.com]

[As the glyph appeared, Raven crouched down to take a look at it. It looked just like a formula, similar to when he cast what little magic he knew. Then came the incantation... which was much more melodic than he was expecting. It was more like a song?

He stood up abruptly, looking toward the fireflies. As the lights stopped, it dawned on him. They were an excellent target as it would be obvious what had happened to them.]

Similar, and yet so different. Similar to magic I'm familiar with, but the incantation was unexpected. I'd think you stopped their movements, but I don't know if that also attributes the sudden break in flickering.

[a-severed-fate.livejournal.com]

Really? It's the first time anyone has told me that the fonic hymns are similar to anything they know.

The hymns themselves are much like fonic artes, which are common in my world. However, only very few people can use them the fonic hymns. First of all, it requires a seventh fonist, and seventh fonists are rare - one cannot use the seventh fonon unless he's born with that capacity. Secondly, not many people understand the true meanings of the hymns well enough to utilize them. Without that knowledge, the hymns are simply songs.

[She paused for a moment, letting the fonons disperse, and allowing the fireflies once again to go about their nightly business.] Nor do all of my abilities require singing. The first hymn induces sleep, but it can also be used to completely immobilize an opponent for a short period of time.

[Now why was she explaining all of that?]

[deusexblastia.livejournal.com]

These fonons, then, are where the difference lies. The appearance of the glyph beneath you, the same thing happens whenever I try to cast a spell. But fonons... if that's the case, fonists are much rarer than mages.

It's a shame they don't. You have a lovely voice.

[a-severed-fate.livejournal.com]

You're probably right. I've yet to meet anyone outside of my own world who has heard of fonons before. Perhaps they're unique to Auldrant, although that's difficult for me to accept.

Back home, every single visible thing is made up of fonons. I can't imagine what could possibly hold people, animals... even plants and everyday objects together if not fonons. I suppose that much is worth looking into.

[Tear shifted her weight from one leg to the other rather awkwardly. She was not one for taking compliments gracefully.] ...Well, thank you...

[deusexblastia.livejournal.com]

Ahh, there may be something similar after all. Aer. To my ears, for the most part, that's what you just described. I wouldn't call them interchangeable, but the definitions are close enough to work for the time being.

Don't think much of it... darlin'.

[And the attentive casual listener would note that the last word sounded much more forced than usual.]

[a-severed-fate.livejournal.com]

Aer... I was also informed about something called "ethers". Even if worlds differ greatly, there seem to be similar concepts among them.

[Looks thoughtful.] It might be nice if one could travel between worlds freely. It's something I wouldn't mind seeing.

[Now what was that? Raven, you are just confusing the heck out of her. She can't even tell which Raven is the fake these days, or if either one is real. She blinked slowly, then frowned.]

Don't worry. I'm not.

[deusexblastia.livejournal.com]

[Well, it was starting to get late. Maybe it was just about time to go... but he still had something to say.]

I think you missed an option, by the way. Are we genuine? Did we invent who we think we are? Or did we invent who we want to be?

[a-severed-fate.livejournal.com]

[Tear looked up briefly, then glanced away.]

You read all of that, did you?
Perhaps the truth is that there is no easy answer.

[deusexblastia.livejournal.com]

But isn't that the truth of everything?

[And like an elastic band, Raven just snapped back. He put his hands behind his neck and gave his best devil-may-care grin.]

Ahh, but look what happens once ol' Raven decides it's time ta get all philosophical. It's gettin' pretty late, darlin'; yer trainin' ain't gonna matter if ya can't get up in the mornin'.

[a-severed-fate.livejournal.com]

...?!

[Speechless Tear is speechless and more than a little confused. She needs a moment.]

Ah... no...

...I mean, it doesn't bother me. I'm used to the dark, and I don't particularly mind staying up late.

[deusexblastia.livejournal.com]

Well, speak fer yerself. I think I'm startin' ta doze off out here, so it'd be a good idea if I head back now.

[a-severed-fate.livejournal.com]

I am speaking for myself.


Yes, well I guess for someone your age, rest is important. Pleasant dreams, Raven.

[No, Tear doesn't have a sense of humor.]